Saturday, December 19, 2009

lost that lovin' feeling... that it?

come november and i'm all warm and fuzzy and 'merry'. very easy to mistake me for one of santa's (overweight) elves on prozac... ok, maybe sugar and coffee. i sing all day, skip about, imagine the world is full of love and kindness and miracles and yum stuff to eat... forget the elves on prozac, i'm a walking-talking cheesy family t.v. show! hardly anything can get me down when it's christmas season. i'm always just short of dancing the christmas polka! and try as i might, i can't get myself to tone down on the reds and greens. yup, i'm one of those suckers who feel obliged to totally fall for all the commercial gimmicks that shopping malls, advertisments and movies employ.

this year has just not been the same. not one bit. november was dreary, despite my 'finding a job' and everything. everything seemed just the opposite of bright and happy. my feeling blue is never new to anyone, no one can even pretend to take me seriously when i'm moping and groaning and grumbling and flying into hysterics. going by my track-record it's understandable (albeit unfair). anyway, the point of this is not whether i'm needy or an attention seeker or bi-polar... this year it seemed like all my closest friends were all depressed too. everyone.

nothing felt christmassy. nothing. not the malls, not the lame music and movies playing on t.v, not the beautiful weather, not the rain (although that did temporarily lift my spirits.. but so not in the christmas-way), not even church. i thought i'd help myself, so i went for this 'carols in the desert' thing, where the carols were totally out of tune, sync, beat, anything that's supposed to mean music. it was raining. i got drenched. nothing christmassy about that! then i thought maybe if we started decorating the tree and the house it would help... DID NOT! then i put up a christmas wallpaper and a christmas screen-saver at work... nothing! it's time to face the ugly truth... i've just lost that loving feeling.

then the other day i went out to exchange a shirt i bought to wear to work, and i saw this really cute top that i thought would look great on my sister. i bought it, bought wrapping paper and wrapped it.
my first christmas present of the year.

and you know what? that did it! as i looked at the smiling snowmen on the gift paper, i felt it... that warm, fuzzy feeling! didn't take over like a tidal wave, but crept up on me like a shy, reluctant child would approach it's parent after a long day... totally worth it! can't wait to buy the rest of the presents. :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL! it really is all about giving.. one way or another.