Sunday, October 10, 2010

bridget jones' diary. NOT!

plus size mannequins <3 td="">

i've been gaining weight slowly and steadily for a year now... maybe not so much "slowly" but yea, STEADILY! 10kgs since last year! as you can imagine, this had led to total self-esteem-suicide! not like i was ever skinny, oh no no no... i've always been nuts about fried stuff and sugar, but this is something else. it tore at my heart everytime i watched t.v. and saw beautiful THIN people in beautiful clothes, or went to the supermarket and saw some magazine at the cashier's with some skinny woman double my age in a skin-tight-something... THERE! depression waiting to happen. suddenly the all reliable jammies and track-pants are not as roomy as they were and t-shirts' gotta work so much harder to stretch over the new bulges that i'm not even going to bother giving a number to; to protect myself from furthur embarrassment here. even my feet seem to have gotten bigger, and my finger rings may have had to be surgically removed if i hadn't taken them off like eight months ago.

so, obviously i had to go get some new clothes. i look at a medium and think "that looks right..." and go to the fitting room and find that maybe if one third of me wanted to be dressed, that size would've worked. "so i need a large, big deal" thinks poor delusional me while i struggle back into my clothes and go get one size bigger and head back to that cursed lil mirrored torture chamber. a heave, huff, choke and a lot of panting later, two-thirds of me is "read-ay to par-tay!!"

i want to cry, but the mirror thinks i could use more help than tears. so i make my final trip to look for an extra large... head hung a little, eyes darting around the place hoping no one's watching (yes, there's delusion, there's paranoia...and it's just the beginning!)i pick up an extra large. omg! is this really how big an extra large is? i cant be that big! back to the little judgement room and its staring mirrors and waddya know! it fits.

so big deal extra large's okay. besides, these are just going to be my in-between clothes, till i lose weight and get back to being the old me. extra large - schmextra large, i'm gonna get me some clothes!